Waiting

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.” Paulo Coelho

Today is a phone call day. So I sit here, waiting for my neurologist to call and give me the results of the CT Scan I had on Monday.   This means that a phone goes with me everywhere (yep, even the bathroom) and I am not leaving the house. This is one of the big deal results- up for exploration was both if there are any issues with my thymus ( which would implicate Myasthenia Gravis) or if there are any signs of Lung Cancer, or other cancers (because some of my results indicate Lambert Eaton Syndrome).  I have given up trying to imagine what it will feel like if the Dr has to sit me down and tell me I have Small Cell Carcinoma. It is impossible, even this close to the possibility.

I will post and share some of the CT images ( they are very cool) once I know the official report. Out of self protection, I am not going to post them and have peeps second guessing how to read them. Trust me- I spent 2 hours of my Monday afternoon down that road already and it is both scary and frustrating. Finally you have to say ” I know enough to be dangerous and not enough to be trustworthy, so walk away from the monitor”. I left the CD with the data in the computer downstairs and have not gone back to that computer since.  My Dear Hubby ( MDH) was much wiser and declines looking at them at all until we have the report.

UPDATE: Call just came in, no thymoma, no tumors in lungs, CT Scan was clean. Doing a bit of a happy dance here. Will share beautiful CT images soon.